Monday, 5 May 2014

Abusive Dad- Oxymoron.

Abusive Dad, it’s an oxymoron.

You cannot be both a dad and an abuser.

They’re mutually exclusive.

Every day we all make choices. Our behaviour is a reflection of those choices. It’s not a reflection of how stressed we are, or how skint we are or of our mental health problems, or our addictions. It’s a reflection of our choices. Regardless of how difficult our life is, regardless of what rocky paths we tread we have a choice about how we treat those who stumble along beside us.

And when a man chooses to be abusive he chooses not to be a Dad. 

  • A Dad puts the needs of his children before his own. An abuser puts his own needs first
  • A Dad protects his children. An abuser harms his children ( if not physically then emotionally)
  • A Dad is a role model to his children. An abuser is a bad influence on his children.
  • A Dad loves his children and teaches them how to love others. An abuser teaches children to disrespect those they love.
  • A Dad encourages his children. An abuser belittles his children and their mother.
  • A Dad provides for his children. An abuser provides for himself.
  • A Dad helps his children to grow as individuals. An abuser believes children are his ‘possession’
  • A Dad is involved in his children’s lives. An abuser expects his children to fit in with his life.
  • A Dad listens to his children. An abuser shouts at, talks over his children or insists they should “be seen and not heard”
  • A Dad disciplines his children in love. An abuser is harsh with his children, or in some cases indulges them and undermines their mother’s discipline.
  • A Dad teaches his children about equality. An abuser disrespects his children’s mother and gives them a distorted image of the role of women.
  • A Dad empathises with his children. An abuser is unable to empathise with anyone but feels entitled to have his own emotional needs met, even by small children.
  • A Dad accepts, apologises for, and learns from his mistakes. An abuser does not make mistakes!

I could go on but I am sure you can see my point. Being a dad is not compatible with being an abuser. The choice to be an abuser is the same thing as the choice not to be a dad to your children. 

If your children have a father who is an abuser, always remember it’s HIS CHOICE not to be their Dad, it’s his choice to miss out on the joy that comes with being a Dad, and it’s more his loss than theirs.

(All pictures taken from pinterest


  1. I agree with what you say here, to be an abuser is to resign from the position of being a parent. It's fucked up. It's nothing to be taken lightly- it's terrible for children to grow up feeling unloved- because that's what abuse does to a child. I love that mom meme.

  2. It does and I think sadly the family court system is blind to this seeming to think that it's possible for a man to be abusive but still able to parent, or that some access is better than none. I know so many women who have to send their children off for court ordered access with abusive men, it's tragic.


Thanks for your comments and encouragement.